01dragonslayer
Iron Killer
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Sure fitness makes your body look great, but it also brings a slew of other corollaries. Here are 19 unexpected side effects to getting fit.
1. STRUGGLING TO FIND PANTS THAT FIT YOUR GROWING QUADS AND SHRINKING WAIST
Wearing sweats to work might be a very real necessity. Pro tip: Get to meetings early so you can sit before anybody else comes in. Then pretend to be taking notes until everyone leaves. No one will ever be the wiser.
2. BEING THE GO-TO NUTRITION GURU IN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE
No Sally, you're not going to see gains from 10 minutes of running followed by a victory post-workout meal at KFC.
3. FINALLY DECIDING TO LIKE VEGETABLES
Well, kind of.
4. LOOKING DAMN GOOD IN A SWIMSUIT, NO MATTER THE SEASON
Oh what? It's inappropriate for me to wear this bikini to the office? My bad.
5.COMPLIMENTING A PERSON'S SNATCH—EVEN IF YOU GIGGLE
A lift that's also a euphemism for lady parts? #winning
6. FINALLY HAVING A GOOD ANSWER TO "HOW MUCH YA BENCH?"
It's taken years for you to earn a respectable bench. Now, you're chasing that dream of throwing around three wheels.
7. OWNING A VAST ARRAY OF SHAKER CUPS
The shaker cup is the most useful piece of swag ever invented. You've dedicated 1/3 of your shelf space to storing them.
8. THE POWER OF THE ALL-MIGHTY MULTI-VITAMIN
Your "Flintstone kid" days might be over, but that doesn't mean you can't down a daily multi. After all, they keep you strong and growing.
9. ENJOYING THE SATISFACTION OF A BULGING BICEPS VEIN
There's nothing better than reaping the fruits of your arms-day labors.
10. AND COVERTLY FLEXING TO MAKE SURE IT'S STILL THERE
No shame if no one sees.
11. HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS EVERY TIME YOU SEE A DOUGHNUT
You know how good that maple bar tastes, but you also know what it will do to your blood sugar and your macros. Why does the doughnut exist? Why? Good thing you can always drum these up.
12. LIVING CHEAT MEAL TO CHEAT MEAL
Sometimes, the only thing that gets you through another day of tilapia is knowing that soon, you get to eat a hamburger...and fries...and maybe a milkshake.
13. KNOWING 101 WAYS TO MAKE CHICKEN TASTE GOOD
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, bitches.
14. KNOWING EXACTLY HOW MANY GRAMS OF CARBS, PROTEIN, AND FAT ARE IN EACH MEAL
You don't even see food anymore; all you see is 40/40/20.
15. FEELING CONFIDENT IN EVERY GYM YOU WALK INTO
If you can see yourself in the mirror while you're lifting, then you're in the right spot. Your reflection isn't going to 'mire itself.
16. AND KNOWING FULL-WELL IF THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU DOESN'T EVEN LIFT
Headed for the pink dumbbells, bro?
17. STRESSING ABOUT YOUR WEEK-LONG VACATION
Before you were married to the iron, you could go on vacation and only worry about sunscreen and the amount of tequila in your margarita. Now, you pre-screen hotels for fitness centers and consider how many packets of protein powder you can fit into your suitcase.
18. REALIZING THAT SLEEVES ARE COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY
The real tragedy here: There just aren't enough opportunities to wear tanks.
19. SPENDING YOUR DAY WALKING FROM THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN TO THE BATHROOM
It's a vicious cycle.
1. STRUGGLING TO FIND PANTS THAT FIT YOUR GROWING QUADS AND SHRINKING WAIST
Wearing sweats to work might be a very real necessity. Pro tip: Get to meetings early so you can sit before anybody else comes in. Then pretend to be taking notes until everyone leaves. No one will ever be the wiser.
2. BEING THE GO-TO NUTRITION GURU IN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE
No Sally, you're not going to see gains from 10 minutes of running followed by a victory post-workout meal at KFC.
3. FINALLY DECIDING TO LIKE VEGETABLES
Well, kind of.
4. LOOKING DAMN GOOD IN A SWIMSUIT, NO MATTER THE SEASON
Oh what? It's inappropriate for me to wear this bikini to the office? My bad.
5.COMPLIMENTING A PERSON'S SNATCH—EVEN IF YOU GIGGLE
A lift that's also a euphemism for lady parts? #winning
6. FINALLY HAVING A GOOD ANSWER TO "HOW MUCH YA BENCH?"
It's taken years for you to earn a respectable bench. Now, you're chasing that dream of throwing around three wheels.
7. OWNING A VAST ARRAY OF SHAKER CUPS
The shaker cup is the most useful piece of swag ever invented. You've dedicated 1/3 of your shelf space to storing them.
8. THE POWER OF THE ALL-MIGHTY MULTI-VITAMIN
Your "Flintstone kid" days might be over, but that doesn't mean you can't down a daily multi. After all, they keep you strong and growing.
9. ENJOYING THE SATISFACTION OF A BULGING BICEPS VEIN
There's nothing better than reaping the fruits of your arms-day labors.
10. AND COVERTLY FLEXING TO MAKE SURE IT'S STILL THERE
No shame if no one sees.
11. HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS EVERY TIME YOU SEE A DOUGHNUT
You know how good that maple bar tastes, but you also know what it will do to your blood sugar and your macros. Why does the doughnut exist? Why? Good thing you can always drum these up.
12. LIVING CHEAT MEAL TO CHEAT MEAL
Sometimes, the only thing that gets you through another day of tilapia is knowing that soon, you get to eat a hamburger...and fries...and maybe a milkshake.
13. KNOWING 101 WAYS TO MAKE CHICKEN TASTE GOOD
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, bitches.
14. KNOWING EXACTLY HOW MANY GRAMS OF CARBS, PROTEIN, AND FAT ARE IN EACH MEAL
You don't even see food anymore; all you see is 40/40/20.
15. FEELING CONFIDENT IN EVERY GYM YOU WALK INTO
If you can see yourself in the mirror while you're lifting, then you're in the right spot. Your reflection isn't going to 'mire itself.
16. AND KNOWING FULL-WELL IF THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU DOESN'T EVEN LIFT
Headed for the pink dumbbells, bro?
17. STRESSING ABOUT YOUR WEEK-LONG VACATION
Before you were married to the iron, you could go on vacation and only worry about sunscreen and the amount of tequila in your margarita. Now, you pre-screen hotels for fitness centers and consider how many packets of protein powder you can fit into your suitcase.
18. REALIZING THAT SLEEVES ARE COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY
The real tragedy here: There just aren't enough opportunities to wear tanks.
19. SPENDING YOUR DAY WALKING FROM THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN TO THE BATHROOM
It's a vicious cycle.
