Girl trouble

[tbonexl]

I've been with this girl for a couple years. It was kinda crazy how fast things went. We work together kinda. She drives truck for the construction outfit I work for. We kinda fell for eachothers right off the get. She was engaged at the time so I didn't push it.
She ended up breaking it off and we just jumped right in happy as ever. The first year was good. This past year just took a really bad turn. I had too much personal shit going on that just took a really bad toll on me. Severe depression. She just has so many demons in her past that she never got closure from. Her distant relative raped her repeatedly from the time she was 12-14. It really fucked her up cuz everybody in the family and the town looks up to this guy. She's dated some real assholes that treated her like shit and put her in the hospital from severe beatings.
Well she never let go of all that and took it out on me. She doesn't open up at all and told me I was the only person she told about the rape. She's had a tuff life but does good for herself. She just can't let go of the past. We really do love eachother but ended up stopping the relationship at Christmas. I went over her house a week after new years to get my stuff and we both just broke down.
She admitted that she went out with a guy and they did sleep together. I did too. It just wasn't right. We both didn't want to be apart but she was just so broken that she said she needed time.
We would text eachother non stop and she would come over 2-3 times a week. We would really go at it too thanks to prop/pse! I could tell by looking at her that she was just lost about everything. Her parents are getting divorced and I told her I would do better if she just opened up.
Today, she texted me that she just needs some time to get her head straight cuz she don't know why she can't open up to me. She says its not fare to me to have to wait. She still wants to spend vday together but give her a week to think about everything. She wants to try and have a talk with me afterwards to see where we're at.
I just don't know what to do. I know I fucked up in the past and she knows she did too. She days she can't forgive herself so she can't expect me too. Thing is, I do love this person and can't imagine not being together. I just don't know what to think.

No, my e2 is not high. Figure I would share my bullshit with my bros.

Btw, nobody at work knew we were together. I can't go back if shit doesn't work out. It's just too hard.

 

[TSizemore]

She needs professional help! And I don't mean that in a condescending way. She has admitted to you, she has never told anybody about the abuse (except you). The past choices with the abusive men are more than likely a result of those experiences, and a continuation of the pain she experienced from her relative. She needs to learn how to deal with that anger, resentment, guilt, and blame....she needs professional help. She will always have internal issues until she lets it out and starts dealing with it.

 

[tbonexl]

I know. I offered to pay for counselling. She didn't want me to pay for it. She just had a tuff life.
She had cancer 4 years ago. She beat it but at a big price. She will never be able to have kids. That's something she always wanted. There's just so much with her that she just pits up walls and carries on. I told her that she can't be like that. I think she's scared to let it all out and face it. She said I was the nest thing that ever happened to her but that she didn't deserve me. It's just so painful cuz there's nothing I can do.

 

[Torres]

I'm not gonna say u a sucker cuz if u feel that strong then go with what u feel . But if it were me , fuck the bitch !!!

 

[tbonexl]

U know, I'm usually like that too. I've never told a bitch I loved them. And I never hesitated to kick them out the door. This one got to me. I tried to do my usual dating routine. I didn't tell her I loved her until not long ago. It's just not me. I went out with other chics and fucked them but honestly it just didn't feel right. Call me a pussy or whatever but I'm just saying.

 

[Jinko]

My question is you met a girl that was engaged to someone else, she showed interest in you. Why would you date someone who did that and expect it to work?

 

[TSizemore]

U know, I'm usually like that too. I've never told a bitch I loved them. And I never hesitated to kick them out the door. This one got to me. I tried to do my usual dating routine. I didn't tell her I loved her until not long ago. It's just not me. I went out with other chics and fucked them but honestly it just didn't feel right. Call me a pussy or whatever but I'm just saying.

OK...first off, taking intimate woman advice from Tor is like asking a Scottish Korean to teach you how to be a bullfighter.....
second, I think you've already reconciled to yourself that this girl isn't "some Bitch"......If she's "the One" then you have no choice, stick it out. But, if she isn't......

 

[Dago]

Go to some healthy relationship classes both of you go together man. Also take her to like a center for women and children ( that's what they call it here in ky ) she needs to talk to someone more than likely another woman with experience in this field. I was in a similar situaion with my now wife when we were gf/bf shit happened to her as well before we got married. She wouldn't tell me because I knew the guy. Looking back I see why and wish ida handled it different because the shit I did out of what I thought was the real man thing to do caused her more problems as me as well. Be gentle with her bro. Like I said go to some classes you can attend as a couple and get her some 1 on 1 counseling there may be things she needs to say she don't want you to hear.

 

[the prototype]

I agree with TS. Too much baggage and she needs professional help before she can have a healthy relationship. She's been hurt, abused, etc, too much to cope with the pain on her own and have a relationship IMO. I know it's hard b/c you love her but if she won't help herself, she'll just keep falling in the same situations. Good luck bro.

 

[sityslicker1]

She wants space, give it to her and consider it a blessing. I would distance myself as far I could from this one. You seem like a great guy with a big heart, but this girl will eventually grind you down to the nothing if you let her. You think she is looking out for you, she manipulating you. She made some bad choices it's on her, not you. If she really wants help, she'll seek it...you don't owe her anything. What you do owe is yourself a good woman who wants to be with you for who you are and brings you happiness, not all this crazy drama. Don't settle man and appreciate yourself.

 

[Wacker]

U know, I'm usually like that too. I've never told a bitch I loved them. And I never hesitated to kick them out the door. This one got to me. I tried to do my usual dating routine. I didn't tell her I loved her until not long ago. It's just not me. I went out with other chics and fucked them but honestly it just didn't feel right. Call me a pussy or whatever but I'm just saying.

Pussy...hmmm...I guess you could call yourself that...maybe you've become more of a man than your comfortable with. From what I read I think what your doing is something called unconditional love. The demons she carries, she may take to the grave. You love her for her strength to pick herself up and carry on, to do that she has built a big brick shit house to put it in. I guess the question I would ask myself is could I live and love her for the rest of my life knowing the door to the shit house may never open, and that there will be times in life she may act or react in ways that I can't or don't understand. If the answer is yes, despite all the issues, then I would continue to fight for what I love. Because that my friend is unconditional love and not something you find very often in your life.

And my estrogen is fine bitch's :f1

 

[tbonexl]

I hear u guys. She just won't talk to her friends or anybody. She had to write me a letter just to tell me. I know u can't help those that can't help themselves. I know it would be good to give her space too.

The guy she was engaged to beat the shit out of her a lot. She was scared to leave him. He told her that he was going to fuck me up till he seen me. I was polite but had my flip flops on just in case.

Maybe when we talk again, I need to get her into some counselling. She's really not a bad girl. She just been thru too much too quick. She never lied to me. I understand why some of u say to run. I've thought about it... I just can't tho.. I don't know... Never felt like this before...

 

[the prototype]

You're a good man for not beating the shit out of that scum bag ex of hers. I would've put a beating on him for abusing her.

 

[tbonexl]

I wanted to but my presence made a strong enough impression. He is a lil guy.

 

[Hanzo]

I hear u guys. She just won't talk to her friends or anybody. She had to write me a letter just to tell me. I know u can't help those that can't help themselves. I know it would be good to give her space too.

The guy she was engaged to beat the shit out of her a lot. She was scared to leave him. He told her that he was going to fuck me up till he seen me. I was polite but had my flip flops on just in case.

Maybe when we talk again, I need to get her into some counselling. She's really not a bad girl. She just been thru too much too quick. She never lied to me. I understand why some of u say to run. I've thought about it... I just can't tho.. I don't know... Never felt like this before...

She needs time and understanding bro.

 

[Gunner16]

I see you've gotten a lot of great advice and I was with someone who had issues similar and she wouldn't get help and it ruined us period. She just needs to see a professional and work this stuff out. Good luck brother hope it works out for you

 

[ElChango]

Well first rule is if she was engaged and left him for you, she can do the same to you

Second rule is she was abused, never get with a girl that has been abused.

I know nothing about relationships though so don't follow my advice.

 

[tbonexl]

I know what u mean. Yea she was engaged. She wasn't happily engaged. Her self esteem was really low and she thought that was it for her till she met me. We didn't actually hook up till about 3 weeks after she broke it off. She did go out with another guy after Christmas a couple times but she stopped talking to him cuz she wasn't over me. I went out with a couple chics too at the same time but it just wasn't right. I missed her.
Like I told her, sometimes u don't realize what u got till its gone.

 

[goodfella]

Only thing can say is, dont stay to attached to this one brother. Dont wanna see you down over something like this. Of course in relationships, theres gunna be up's and downs ect. Your a man, you have your own life you need to handle and worry about as well! Remember that! Best thing to try and do is keep some distance and when your down call up the boy's you haven't seen in a while and hit up a sports bar or something/watch a game. Also you did mention she opened up and shared those few personal things to you, which is more than shes shared before to anyone, right? In time man, she'll be back around, "YOU JUST GOTTA BE THE ONE TO PUT THE DISTANCE DOWN!"

Stay up bro!

 

[tbonexl]

Yea she has told me things that she never told anybody else. I'm going to take everybody's advice into consideration. I'll give it time and do my thing. Thanks guys!