I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

[ram97]

rock I can relate also to what your ranting about I have delt with the same thing in my marriage. But with 2 girls whom I would do anything for there is no way that I would break up my family. I commend you for your strength in resisting the therapist. I have a really hard time when i am on test. Hang in there it took me since about 2009 to get my marriage right but I stayed the course for my girls. My wife and I had the best summer together we have had in years. I will say that i talked her into taking some var and it has also helped with the sex you may want to give this a try if she is willing. Nice to see that I am not the only one out there with these problems sometimes it seems like it. Hang in there it will all work out for the best.

Ram

 

[dowork]

Rock - I don't have any advise for you but I'll share my story cause it's an adaptation of the same screenplay.

Stats: I'm 39, two young kids, married (to this one) for 5 years, married before (to that one) for 7 years.

In the first marriage, I went through the EXACT same thing you've been going through, except we had no kids. Months and months of dry spells. I sat her down several times and told her this has to change or I'm out, I can't live like this for the rest of my life. She always said she understood, gave up the p for a while, then turned back into the Sahara dessert.

About 7 years in, two things happened at once - I met a hot chick that was insta-wet when she touched my 230lb rock hard body, and at the same time I decided I'd had enough and it was time to leave my wife.

After a marathon sexcapade that lasted about 38 hours non-stop, I went home and told my wife that we were through and I wanted a divorce. If felt terrible and amazing at the same time.
I ended up marrying the insta-wet chick and we now have 5 years and two kids together.

I guess I can make two observations based on what I've lived through.

1. Now that I have kids, I will NEVER get divorced again. Hurting my kids in any way would kill me and having kids has taught me what unconditional love really is. I would choose a lifetime of suffering over letting them feel pain. I don't believe unconditional love exists between adults. It's very conditional. However, with my kids, I can't think of a single thing they could do that would cause me to turn my back on them. My son could kill someone close to me and I'd still visit him in prison. Spouses? Not really. That's why marriage is so tough.

2. My wife and I are happy together. We even work together on our own business. But - It's highly likely that my current wife keeps herself "in line" (shall we say), because she knows what happened with my first marriage.

Rock - thanks for sharing. Sounds like a common theme with most of us. It helps to know that we're not an anomaly.

 

[Swampjuice]

Im in the same boat brother..............and yes tren did not help my urges. So by now your assumption of me not being faithful is true lol. Do i regret it.......at the moment no. But i do know shit at home needs to get a lot better before i stop straying. We arent married but do have a child and thats the only thing that breaks me down when i think about it. my "gf" is absolutely amazing but so is every beginning to a rship. Non stop crazy sex that cant be matched at home but when i look in the future i cant imagine losing my son over my self induced crazy high testosterone temptations. Best of luck and if you figure out any magical ways to fix this situation make sure you let a brother know bc im struggling hardcore at the moment as well.

 

[Paulrockr]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

Rock my man I got no advise for you ... that sucks.. how old is your wife in case I missed it... my old lady never turns me down, most likely because of my history but I only been married 8 years.

 

[JM750]

I'm gunna tell you right now that I dont regret going elsewhere, and I still do it every week.

I look at it this way, I can jerk off the rest of my fucking life, or I can fuck real pussy with a more then willing participant. And be happy.
A man needs love and affection too. I dont remember signing up for pussy to be shut off when I was at the stupid alter puking out my vows...

Rock, I'm not saying this is what you should do. I'm saying this is what works for me. I'm not a cheater at heart. I'm a one woman guy.
But forcing them to have sex is called rape! So that's out of the question.........

 

[misterB]

i had the same problem, went 6 years without sex before I finally went out, divorcing now

 

[RockShawn]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

I'm gunna tell you right now that I dont regret going elsewhere, and I still do it every week.

I look at it this way, I can jerk off the rest of my fucking life, or I can fuck real pussy with a more then willing participant. And be happy.
A man needs love and affection too. I dont remember signing up for pussy to be shut off when I was at the stupid alter puking out my vows...

Rock, I'm not saying this is what you should do. I'm saying this is what works for me. I'm not a cheater at heart. I'm a one woman guy.
But forcing them to have sex is called rape! So that's out of the question.........

JM750I'm not judging you brother. At all. And I completely agree with the forced sex comment. I'm not the kind that's gonna force my wife to please me. Like I said, I'm way more interested in pleasing her - that makes mine even better.

I talked to her last night about it. She said nothing. I got up to check that my truck was locked and when I came back - asleep. SMH

 

[RockShawn]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

Rock my man I got no advise for you ... that sucks.. how old is your wife in case I missed it... my old lady never turns me down, most likely because of my history but I only been married 8 years.

PaulrockrWe're both 40.

 

[JM750]

I used to lay in bed at night contemplating if I should start rubbing her up while she was asleep. (To get things going) Every time I did that, she would GGrrrr as if I was bothering her. As a man, you can only take that so much. Feeling un loved is a horrible feeling. Especially with the one you love. I never minded being at the bottom of the list, but I wasn't even on her list! WTF?

 

[RockShawn]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

i had the same problem, went 6 years without sex before I finally went out, divorcing now

misterBSorry to hear that man.

 

[RockShawn]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

I used to lay in bed at night contemplating if I should start rubbing her up while she was asleep. (To get things going) Every time I did that, she would GGrrrr as if I was bothering her. As a man, you can only take that so much. Feeling un loved is a horrible feeling. Especially with the one you love. I never minded being at the bottom of the list, but I wasn't even on her list! WTF?

JM750Big ole ditto mark. That's the way I felt last night when I tried to explain and she just rolls over and goes to sleep. Talk will happen earlier today. I came to the realization last night that she never kisses me goodnight. I always lean over and kiss her but she either buries her head so I have to kiss her head or if its on the lips its not reciprocated. Something has to change. For this to "fix" for a while then go right back is bullshit IMO.

 

[JM750]

Re: I GOTTA RANT...IT"S PERSONAL

Big ole ditto mark. That's the way I felt last night when I tried to explain and she just rolls over and goes to sleep. Talk will happen earlier today. I came to the realization last night that she never kisses me goodnight. I always lean over and kiss her but she either buries her head so I have to kiss her head or if its on the lips its not reciprocated. Something has to change. For this to "fix" for a while then go right back is bullshit IMO.

RockShawn
I went thru the exact same thing as well. Men do not take rejection very well. It is very difficult when you just want to give your wife love an affection so bad, and she wants nothing to do with it. I sat mine down 2 times and explained to her my needs as a man, and that if I didn't get lovings, I would be forced to seek it elsewhere.
It went in one ear and out the other.

I would have never ever cheated on my wife if she just took care of me. My G/F I see now, never ever has said no to me. And she is 48 yrs old. So it's never too old to play.
My G/F is very understanding of my situation as I still have a 12 and 8 yr old at home. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have been long gone.
As it is now, I couldn't do my wife if I tried. I lost it for her a while ago. You can't keep trying to love someone that wont love you back Brother. Lets put it this way, if you have to ask for it, there is something drastically wrong. It should just come naturally.

I feel for you because I know what it is like.

 

[Hanzo]

How'd I miss this? Women always want less sex after having kids. And guess what? Too bad. You really have to get into a woman's psyche to understand the forces at play here. It's truth, but it's not pleasant.

YOU.HAVE.TO.BE.A.MAN. >> You have to show her that you're above the person you used to be, you've matured. When women get to this stage of their life they don't want to be your mommy and they don't want to be pawed on. They want to focus on the most important things in their life, and YOU'RE.NOT.IT........ it's your kids.

I'm telling you, don't give her the cold shoulder but don't get emotional and let it bother you. She wants to be the affectionate 1, she's a woman and you're beating her to it. BE.A.MAN. and don't let her bother you. If you do as I say, she'll come around.

Women want strong men who don't need anything or anybody. Rocko, being a man of faith you know what I'm alluding to. There's 1 most important thing in your life that leads to everything else.

 

[TSizemore]

There have been some good advice and some real terrible advice given in this thread Rock.........Hopefully, you can pick and choose the things that are beneficial and will truly help. Prayers with you, friend. WHEN you guys get thru this, your marriage will be bulletproof, that much I guarantee! Sticking with your wife because of your kids isn't the reason to stay in a marriage. Sticking with your wife because of your WIFE is the reason to stick with it. The minute you give up on her, is the minute you give up on you. You two are one. JM said it, something is drastically wrong, you have to find out what that is.

 

[Buck]

Question for you bro.

When she got into bed and turn the light on and grabbed the magazine. Did you ever consider reaching over taking the magazine away from her and just grab her and taking her. I don't me forcing her of course but just being very aggressive. Being the man and taking charge sometimes may be a turn on for her. I don't know.

 

[Hanzo]

I FINALLY just read this entire dramatic thread. HAH!! The best advice, besides mine, was TS's, as usual. Here's men's dilemma. We get addicted to sex and we think with the little head instead of the big one. Ok, that's crude, but more or less true. You have to make many sacrifices when you're a man and you have a family. Regardless of having sex, or not, or arguing, etc. The "sacrifice" you always have to make is to display eternal, loving patience and take the high road. You're the glue that holds the family together, not your wife. Everyone follows your actions. You have to be a paragon of virtue, a new and complete paradigm of the future for your kids. Your kids are always watching, always. You have to learn to drop your carnal needs for the sake of your family, and, ultimately, for your soul. Sorry. That's the way that it is, and it ain't gonna change.

 

[Hanzo]

Sticking with your wife because of your kids isn't the reason to stay in a marriage. Sticking with your wife because of your WIFE is the reason to stick with it.

TSizemore
Actually, sticking with your wife because you told God you would is the reason to stay.

 

[TSizemore]

Actually, sticking with your wife because you told God you would is the reason to stay.

HanzoImplied! But, thanks for saying it

 

[Hanzo]

Implied! But, thanks for saying it

TSizemoreIt seems we're always on the same page TS, we think say the same things, but you're the good brother and I'm the blacksheep. LOL

 

[TSizemore]

It seems we're always on the same page TS, we think say the same things, but you're the good brother and I'm the blacksheep. LOL

Hanzo
Hahahaha....whatever you call yourself in the bedroom is your business! 😉
(I hear what you're saying, though)