Jokes and funny stuff....

[01dragonslayer]

The theory goes, that surnames often come from the job of your ancestors.​

What on earth did "Dickinson" do?!

 

[01dragonslayer]

My English friend was shocked to find out that his ancestors came from Transylvania.​

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

 

[01dragonslayer]

I asked the genie to revive one of my oldest ancestors, to see what life was like when they were around.​

Let's just say, it was a pretty fishy chat.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Two people are discussing their ancestors who lived during world war 2​

Girl: my grandparents were in a concentration camp

Boy: so was my grandpa, he died there

Girl: aw that’s so sad

Boy: yeah, poor guy fell out of the guard tower

 

[01dragonslayer]

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.​

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared.
It said, “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.”

 

[01dragonslayer]

Who was first in Transylvania?​

Thousands of years ago, the ancestor of the Hungarians Attila the Hun came to Transylvania.

He saw a beautiful lake, left his gilded armor, his Damascus sword and his white stallion on the shore and went for a swim.

When he got out of the lake - armor was gone, sword was gone and the horse was nowhere to be found.



Now you tell me - who were the first in Transylvania, Romanians or Hungarians?

 

[01dragonslayer]

I wanted to find out more about my ancestors so I did a little digging and...​

...got thrown out of the cemetery.

 

[01dragonslayer]

An old Chinese story​

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villagers tried everything they could, but to no avail.

Finally, a delegation of elders went to a Buddhist temple in the mountains and told the abbot their plight, begging for help.

The abbot said, “No problem! You go on home and rest easy, because tomorrow morning one of my disciples will go take care of the problem for you.”

The next morning, the villagers were eagerly waiting for a procession of solemn monks with drums and bells. Instead what they saw was a sami, a novice monk, about twelve years old, skipping along the path humming a song.

They asked the sami, “Why are you here?”

He said, “My teacher told me to come take care of your problem for you.”

“Are you sure? This is a terrifying demon, mighty beyond words, we are helpless against him!”

“No problem,” said the sami, “Now tell me where he is.”

“He’s in the ancestors’ temple, eating their plaques. He ate the altar yesterday.”

“No problem,” said the sami, and with a sure step, marched to the temple, pushed open the door, and went in.

Within moments, the villagers heard blood curling shrieks. The temple rattled and shook. Within moments, the demon shot through the roof, screaming and howling, and disappeared in the distance.

The unruffled sami came out of the temple with a thin smile on his lips.

The villagers fell to their knees in thanks, apologizing that they had not been respectful enough when he first came. They asked, “You must be very powerful! How did you do that?”

The sami answered, “Simple! I reached into my bag and pulled out my donation book.”

 

[01dragonslayer]

You know what happened to humanity's most intelligent ancestor?​

He decided having kids wasn't worth it.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Why don't people from Alabama have ancestors in their linniage?​

Because they have Incestors.

 

[01dragonslayer]

What do you call one of our ancestors who wavers home drunk?​

A meanderthal

 

[01dragonslayer]

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.​

Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

 

[01dragonslayer]

If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...​

Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.

 

[01dragonslayer]

My friend wants to study Dwayne Johnson’s biography and his ancestors....​

Is he studying geneaology or geology?

 

[01dragonslayer]

People who constantly brag about their ancestors are like potatoes​

The only good thing about them is underground.

 

[01dragonslayer]

One of my ancestors invented the glove​

Well, he had a hand in it

 

[01dragonslayer]

I tried ayahuasca and saw my ancestors​

My grandfather beat me with his belt because i did drugs

 

[01dragonslayer]

What do you call a British kid that can't divide?​

A DISGRACE TO HIS ANCESTORS.

 

[01dragonslayer]

I wonder how long our ancestors managed to live with no shelter...​

before they caved

 

[01dragonslayer]

A Canadian couple made province-shaped cookies​

A baker in Canada thought it would be fun to bake cookies that were each in the shapes of Canada's provinces and territories.

"These look delicious," said her husband.

"Thanks!" she said. "And don't worry, I've made some of each shape so you're able to eat them."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "I know your family is descended in part from indigenous peoples up North. That means you're not traditionally allowed to eat anything in the shape of the part of Canada that your ancestors came from."

Grabbing a handful of cookies in the shape of Canada's northern central region, he said, "It turns out my family are First Nations. We did a DNA test and everything," and he began to devour the cookies, islands and all.

It's a classic tale. She thought he was Inuit, but he was having Nunavut.